Warning Signs: Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

At one point or another everyone experiences bullying — whether they are the victim, the bystander, or the bully themselves.  Bullying has become a highly focused-on problem that many organizations are working on correcting.  Unfortunately, due to the heavy focus on bullying another very important issue is often overlooked. This issue is known as dating abuse.  What’s incredibly scary about dating abuse is that many of the victims do not know what is occurring!  If you do not realize you are a victim of abuse, how are you supposed to make a change?

I feel, and I am sure many other people would agree, that abuse is not love and love is not abuse.  See I myself became a victim of dating abuse without realizing what was happening to me.  Although I knew something was not right it was like I could not escape.  I was trapped in the mind of the abuser who kept me by his side for his pure enjoyment.  Abusers search and seek for power and control while the victim suffers from their acts of violence and possessiveness.  Now that I am out of the relationship I was once apart of I am able to see all of the abuse my partner had put me through.

Dating abuse is hard to understand because why would a partner want to hurt the one they claim they love?  To you and I this may seem like a hard concept to understand but dating abusers do sneak their way into the lives of many teenage girls.  Psychologists have done research on this topic to try and understand why the abuser performs the acts that he does.  They were able to get into the mind frame of an abuser to discover ten warning signs that we all should be aware of.  These warning signs are the top ten warnings of a potential abusive partner off of the website loveisrespect.org.

  1. Checking your cell phone or email without permission
  2. Constantly putting you down
  3. Extreme jealousy or insecurity
  4. Explosive temper
  5. Isolating you from family or friends
  6. Making false accusations
  7. Mood swings
  8. Physically hurting you in any way
  9. Possessiveness
  10. Telling you what to do

In order to gain power and control over the victim, the abuser will look at their phone as well as put their partner down so they feel submissive to the abuser.  They also have the power to isolate their partner from their friends and family! Why? Because without friends or family the victim has no one to tell them that they are a part of an abusive relationship.  This may seem crazy and impossible but it is the only way to gain control.  You see I had friends telling me that I needed to leave the relationship but he was capable of convincing me that my friends were crazy liars.  I was too blind to see that really the liar in the situation was him.

With these warning signs you can get out of the abusive relationship before it even starts.  Do not fall victim to someone who is trying to control you because that is not love.  That is abuse.


One Response to Warning Signs: Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

  1. Barb says:

    Being tangled up in the web of abuse is crazy-making. You make some very good points. It’s very important for young people beginning to date to recognize what a healthy and abusive relationship is and the signs of potentially abusive behavior.

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